Memorializing Your Baby

Honoring miscarriage through ritual can be deeply healing. A ritual for miscarriage is the simple act of observing pregnancy loss in some way, that honors the experience, validates feelings and acknowledges the brief life and loss of a baby. The ritual can be whatever the mother and father decide. It can be a simple observance, or a large gathering of family and friends.

Ceremony. A simple ceremony can be performed in private, alone, at church, as a couple, or surrounded by family and friends. A simple ceremony can include some or all of the ideas below. It is best for the mother to do what she feels is right for her healing process.

Art. The act of creating a work of art is very healing. Pour out all that is felt into painting, collage, pastel, clay, colored pencil or mixed media. Get your partner involved if he/she would like to. Don’t worry about technique, or being perfect, just create. Choose mediums and colors that you feel drawn to.

Prayer. Prayers for healing, understanding, peace and for the soul of the baby are healing for all involved. Prayers alone, prayer with the leader of your church, and prayer with family and friends are a great way to speak freely, from the heart to the God of your beliefs.

Altars. Many people create altars without evening know that is what they are doing. Most often this takes place on a shelf, the top of a dresser or windowsill, or perhaps in the garden or a special place in the wilderness. An altar is created by gathering and placing together symbols, art, poems, a candle, or any trinket that reminds you of the experience you are intending to honor and heal. Alters can be temporary and changing or more permanent. Over time as healing takes place, the objects can be placed in a special box and stored for remembrance.

Light a Candle. One of the simplest and most beautiful ways to honor miscarriage is by lighting a candle. The flame is representative of the eternal life of the soul. Say a prayer while lighting the candle

Write a Poem or Letter to Your Baby. You don’t have to be a poet or even a good writer to get your point across. These are your words to your baby; the child you are mourning. Let the words flow from you. Set this somewhere you can read it until you are ready and time moves you to a new phase of your life. Getting feelings out on paper, rather than bottling them up can be a pillar on the healing journey.

Song. Choose a song that is meaningful in some way, it may remind you of your pregnancy, or the hopes you have for your growing family. Music is profoundly healing. Once you identify a song or piece of music you love, play it, listen to it, sing it. If you are musically inclined, you may even wish to write your own song.

Jewelry. Adornment with a pregnancy loss necklace, bracelet, or ring is a beautiful and elegant way to honor the loss of a baby at any stage. Do a search on the internet for pregnancy loss jewelry and many websites will come up. Etsy has some really beautiful jewelry that can be customized. Many of these online shops have gemstones to represent
the month the loss took place. Jewelry is an expression of the beauty in life.

Plant Something. Growing something can be extremely healing. A tree, bush, flower, herb garden, seeds, seedling, any of these will do. Depending on the season, indoor or outdoor, growing a plant in honor of your loss is a way to bring the vibrancy of life and loss together.

Remember you are not alone, share your story with others. Sometimes sharing your story with a counselor, close friend, or an online support group that supports women who have experienced miscarriage. This may help you process what you are going through and help you move forward.